The way our memory works

Another Tuesday has passed, and should you not have noticed(and I am pointing it out right now) Tuesday evenings tend to be my inspirational writing days, especially because Prof. O' Connor's wise words are still fresh in my mind.

I have been thinking about the phenomenon of 'memory' quite a lot, lately. I blame it on the fact that it is actually dripping through that all that is left from an incredibly fun and interesting period or event of one's life is a good memory. That's it, nothing more, a memory you can reminisce about, a memory that has the ability to draw a smile and fill you with warmth and enthusiasm. But basically, that's it. I read the following line in Mavis Gallant's Linnet Muir stories, and although I didn't realise it at the time, I think that sentence was the catalyst of my pondering the whole memory-issue:

"I did not forget her, I forgot about her."

This is Linnet herself speaking, referring to her mother, whom she - quite obviously - has not a close relationship with. She left home at the age of 18 and fell out with her mother mainly because she rejected and neglected her. Read that sentence again. That, I realised, sums up how our memory works. You meet people who forget you, you forget people you meet, it is only very rarely that you meet those people you can't forget. Those people are your friends. We all, at least at one point in our lives, think about a specific person we haven't heard of or talked to in years; someone we haven't even missed. Our memory can be a cruel device; it can blattantly cast out people and welcome others, it can idealise certain events and minimise others, it has the power to make a choice of what to keep and what to get rid of. Much like what happens when you clean up your hard disk on your computer, when you come to think of it. However, I am quite convinced that we ourselves have control over the choices our memory makes. The more memories you - consciously - make with people, the harder it will be to forget them, because forgetting them would mean forgetting all the happy memories that include that specific person. Of course, memory-making requires time, dedication and persistence, as friendship is not built on shabby grounds or shallow interest. It is a constant investment, a constant 'making the memory' but if you manage to make that effort, the reward you get is even beyond the power of a memory. It is the today, filled with a shared past and a future stretching out before the two of you.

You cán get around the tricks your memory plays on you by actively investing in every day and by cherishing the good and full days you had so far. I am not promoting a completely hedonistic way of life, solely inspired by Carpe Diem (those of you who know me a little better, know that discipline and order are omnipresent in my life ;) !!) , but I would like to encourage you all to become aware that life doens't give you second chances, so don't waste the one you do get in unawareness and lack of interest. There is so much out there to discover, waiting to be discovered, waiting to become someone's memory...